Oh, Mexico, It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low...

So… I went to Mexico…

I haven't gone on a mission trip where I was strictly a participant in over 4 years. Initially, when I heard about the trip, I thought that it was out of the question. Originally, it was going to be a longer trip and I knew I didn't have the vacation time to go… even though I wanted to…

Then things started changing and I know that God was working on my heart. The trip was shortened to just a few days and the cost was just about manageable. I decided that it was dumb for me not to consider it and almost as quickly as I was considering, I knew I was going to be on the trip…

Then the price was reduced by an amazing amount and everything worked out brilliantly… I love it when that happens…

So we left for mexico early on the morning of dec. 27… we drove, which is pretty amazing (to and from mexico and 2 days there in 4 days’ time)… there were 8 of us all together… mostly people I knew pretty well and a few others who I got to know a lot more over the course of 4 days…

We drove to Laredo on Thursday night, and then drove into mexico on Friday morning… our plan was to go and deliver Christmas gifts (clothes, shoes, and toys) to children and teenagers who live at an orphanage in Sabinas Hidalgo, Mexico… we didn't know how we would be received. Besides the fact that there is a language barrier, there could be emotional barriers with the kids. Sometimes kids who have had rough upbringings could be distant with thick walls around them… since we didn't know where these kids were coming from emotionally, we didn't know how it would go that first day…

There was a huge part of me that felt the way I did when I lived in East Asia… in fact, when I would take a picture, I would actually start to count in Chinese the way we would when we took pictures there… and I think I said, "thank you" in Chinese about 20 times an hour… I didn't know why… I guess it was the result of having those words so engrained into my brain when I was out of my own language and culture…

When we drove up, the kids came running up… we were immediately met with smiles and hugs and love and friendship… instantly, it became a time of play and laughter and all-around good times…

We played for the rest of the day and that night… and we gave them their Christmas gifts that night… it was great to see their faces light up, not only at the thought of getting gifts, but just of having new friends and a bunch of crazy Americans to play with…

It felt like we had been there for about 5 days by the next day. We spent some time sightseeing and then came back for lunch and to play some more. During the afternoon, the director brought us inito the office and told us the back stories on most of the kids… some of the stories were pretty basic, but some of the kids have had it really rough their entire lives… it was amazing to think of how open and welcoming some of them were based on their past experiences… we were thankful not to have known the backstories initially so our first encounters could be pure with no tainted opinions based on their pasts.

We played the rest of the day and then went to church with them that night… during church, I sat next to kimara… one of the girls that had won my heart… she was a teenager (14, I think…) and during church, she wrote on my hand, “robyn is my best friend.” Before church, we sat by the fountain and she showed me some of her favorite bible passages and I showed her some of mine… it was pretty incredible to watch her turn to passages that had such depth and talked so much about fear and loneliness… two things that I struggle with a lot… and to see our favorite verses line up so well… at one point, we were reading the same passage… Isaiah 43 together… kimara in spanish and I was reading in english… what a beautiful sound…

After church, we knew that it was almost time for the kids to go to bed, which meant the end of seeing them… we left early the next morning before anyone was awake… so, it meant for a lot of hugs and tears…

We left before any of the kids had gotten up… All in all it was a good trip… I walked away learning a few things and remembering a few more…

1) I learned and remembered the simple joys of “play” – how fun it is just to play and laugh and how that literally knocks down language barriers. It makes me think of the song “It’s a small world” – a smile means friendship to everyone. Cheesy, yes, but it’s easy enough and it’s true…

2) I felt the presence of God when I heard Norma’s laugh… there was something so pure and incredible about her giggle…

3) Sometimes ministry is pushing a swing… it doesn’t have to be hard or complex… just meeting a need… which is sometimes allowing others to feel at ease and just to have fun and experience joy…

4) Simple grace… accepting someone by giving them a hug, or letting a child sit in your laugh or having a child grab your belly by surprise as he says in his best santa claus deep voice, “HO! HO! HO! SOY SANTA CLAUS” is sometimes just as powerful as saying something deep about theological ideas…

5) One of the things that I said (jokingly) while I was there a few times was, “how do you say ‘self-esteem’ in Spanish?” – sometimes doing ministry and being real means looking really dumb… and that’s okay.

I don’t know that I can put any more into words… that’s all I’ve got for today… but I’m glad I got to go and experience it… I was really grateful to get out of my world for a few days and remember the joy that I used to feel about world missions… not that it’s gone… it’s just been a long time…

that ain’t no etch-a-sketch... this is one doodle that can’t be undid, homeskillet...

i have decided i'm going to be better at writing... here are a few topics i want to write about over the next few weeks... i'm hoping to get to all of them before the end of the month...

1) mexico: a reflection

2) 2007: a wrap-up

3) my new apartment: a portrait

4) movies i've seen recently: a review

5) bingo night: a story

i think there are others... but those are the big ones...

but all of them will have to wait... i'm determined to get to bed before midnight for the first time in over a week... (it will actually be the first time in over a week that i'll be in bed before 2 a.m.)
so get ready for some upcoming words and thoughts...

100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!

i leave for mexico in less than 24 hours...

i don't think i've ever felt as ill-prepared for a trip as i do this one... i mean, i haven't brushed up on what little spanish i might have acquired in 9th and 10th grade... i haven't done laundry, which means i haven't packed... i haven't prayed as much as i should have at this point... i haven't even thought about whether or not i need to worry about currency (until just now)...

i know all of it will fall into place... i know that everything will be better than fine... i guess that's why i'm not worried about any of it... i suppose i should be... but i'm not... i'm mostly excited that i get to use my passport again before it expires in may... i guess i should look at getting it renewed... i'd love to have a different passport picture than the one i have right now...

i am really excited about going, though... i'm excited about travelling with people... spending hours in a van full of people that are dear to me... and about seeing some precious children who i get to play with and love on... not to mention a couple of days outside of my world... the one filled with too much work and minor and not-so-minor frustrations...

should be good... pictures to come soon...

all i want for christmas is you...

i love that song, btw... but this post is not necessarily related to it...

here is the beginning of a list of things i think i suck at sometimes (some of them are things i think i suck at all the time...)

1) relationships (all of them)
2) words
3) life
4) following Christ
5) accepting grace and the free gifts God has given me

lately, i've been struggling with relationships and also the concept of accepting God's free gifts... i know i've received salvation, but i think that there are so many other good things He has for me... and they're sitting there wrapped under the tree... but it's like i'm afraid of them or i don't know what to do with them or i feel like i don't deserve them...

so, a dear friend of mine encouraged me to read through John in an attempt to examine Jesus' relationships... all of them, through John's eyes...

i started the other night and have still only made it through verses 1-2...

"in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God."

there was a reference from vs. 1 to Phil 2:6... "who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped"

this stopped me in my tracks... i am still baffled by that idea. Jesus didn't consider equality with God a thing to be grasped... what? for real? my journal is filled with pages of notes... all mixed up... "yes, Jesus does what the Father wills... in the garden, he said, 'not my will, but yours be done.' but really... Jesus is perfect. He is God... it's another trinity concept i can't grasp..."

so, then, i get to verse 2 and there was a reference to 1 john 1:2, "the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us."

which leaves me with this. Word = Jesus = Life... which reminds me of John 6:63. "The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life."

so i'm blown away by all of this... but there is a simplicity in it, as well... so i'm just trying to figure it all out... when my pastor says, "what is the relationship of the Father to the Son?" and i can't even scratch the surface of that... like i don't get it or something... and then Chris takes it one step further and says, " okay... here's your free gift... 'as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you...' what do you do with that? what does that look like?"

and i'm still wrestling... Jesus loves me the same way the Father loves Him... it seems like it should be so easy... like a teeny-bopper love song... but it's not... and they are more than mere words...

part of me finds comfort in knowing that i can never fully know God and His thoughts... yet He knows me fully, gets my thoughts and still offers me presents...

this probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me... but then again, i'm probably the only one who will even see it...

sleepy eyes, part 2...

i guess it's the same song, second verse...

my eyes are way sleepier today than friday... that's what going to bed at 2:45 a.m. and getting up at 6 a.m. for work will do to a person... and there's a fun story behind it that i just can't share on a public arena...

why am i dumb?

however, my barista-friends (whose names i now know) provided me with a most wonderful triple-grande-cinnamon-dolce-latte... and on accident, he rung it up as a partner beverage... fyi... that means it's free...

i don't think i could love him more if i tried... i should have gotten a venti...

and i think i will be annoyed with the piped-in music at my office soon... it's a lot more noticeable when no one is here... it sounds like phantom of the opera but it's christmas music...

i guess i should get some work done... that was the reason i came in early... :)...

sleepy eyes...

my hair is curled and i have makeup on...

i'm wearing heels...

and i left for work before the sun actually came up...

thank you, barista-friends, for my coffee and with an extra discount... you're in the process of saving my life...

done....

here's what i miss about nashville:

a handful of relationships that are being nurtured and maintained on both sides...
the skyline...
a few fun places to hang out...

here's what i don't miss about nashville:

pretty much everything else...


i think i was able to do what i needed to do while i was there last weekend... i'm glad to be home. i'm glad to know who cares. i'm glad to have an incredible church family who loves me. i'm glad that i was wise enough to leave when i did. i'm glad i don't ever want to move back there. i'm glad it didn't feel like home. i'm glad i didn't feel welcome. i'm glad the pancake pantry is still great. i'm glad amy helped me move because if she hadn't, i would have died. i'm glad i wasn't completely alone. i'm glad i felt happy when i was back in little rock. i'm glad that i was met with lots of hugs and smiling faces. i'm glad those hugs and faces had strong arms to help me unload the trailer in record speed.

that's it...

on a completely separate note... i'm loving christmas music these days... pretty much the whole christmas season... maybe it's working at starbucks with the red cups... i love them... and the green and blue sleeves... and the red shirts with the green aprons... and all of that...